Two songs I wrote

I wrote two songs in the past few days. The first one came to me as I was driving and the phrase "pipe dream" entered my stream of thoughts. I started crying as I began to admit to myself that many of my life dreams felt like pipe dreams. Here is the first song.

I'll Soldier On

By

Matthew Warren Smith

Was this all just a pipe dream?

A way to spend my thoughts

Did I even really want it?

Cause it seems that all is lost

I don't know where this is going

I can't tell how far it is

You're telling me without showing

How do I even begin?

But I'll soldier on

I'm not giving up

There's too much for me to live for

And I don't want it to go to waste

I keep my head up

And look for tomorrow

I'm standing in front of you

Asking you to help me believe

And be free

I hear Breakthrough is coming

I feel it in my bones

But the silence is deafening

How can I ever move on?

Life is a sweet mystery of knowing

But it breaks my fragile heart

There is a place where Grace is flowing

But time is keeping us apart

But I'll soldier on

I'm not giving up

There's too much for me to live for

And I don't want it to go to waste

I keep my head up

And look for tomorrow

I'm standing in front of you

Asking you to help me believe

And be free

Why is God letting this go on?

Letting this happen?

When He could easily prevent it today?

He is all that I want

He's the one with the power

Does He know that I'm aching for Him?

But I'll soldier on

I'm not giving up

There's too much for me to live for

And I don't want it to go to waste

I keep my head up

And look for tomorrow

I'm standing in front of you

Asking you to help me believe

And be free

The second song came to me as I was trying to describe how I feel. And the words that came to me were "I'm all alone, but I feel like surrounded". By surrounded I mean that I feel the enemy of my soul (satan) is surrounding me. So the rest begin to flow out of that thought. Here it is:

I'm Not Feeling Good

I'm all alone

But I feel like I'm surrounded 

I'm all alone

And I feel like I'm just getting started

"Heavy" somebody told me that this life would be

What did I know? I thought that I was free

Until the day came when I couldn't get unstuck

I fell through a hole

And now down is up

Am I going crazy?

Cause this torment doesn't ever end

Am I just lazy?

Cause I sit all day and just pretend

I'm not feeling good

No, I'm not even doing ok

I'm not feeling good

No, I can barely start to even pray

I'm crying out

But it seems that no one is listening

I'm crying out

Am I too loud for them to hear me?

Someday I'm going to get out of this ugly mess

I'm going to shout out in ecstasy

I'm going to die laughing hysterically

But until then I'm just in agony

Am I going crazy?

Cause this torment doesn't ever end

Am I just lazy?

Cause I sit all day and just pretend

I'm not feeling good

No, I'm not even doing ok

I'm not feeling good

No, I can barely start to even pray

It's so hard to breathe

I keep having to collect myself

It's so hard to see

I keep having to protect myself, inject myself

I'm not feeling good

No, I'm not even doing ok

I'm not feeling good 

No, I can barely start to even pray

I'm not feeling good

No, I'm not even doing ok

I'm not feeling good

No, I can barely start to even pray