Waiting

I've been listening a lot to Sean Feucht's album Waiting. for those who haven't heard of him, he is sort of a modern day psalmist. his music is "soaking" music. it is designed to help you meditate and focus on the Presence of God. some lyrics he sings over and over. or the music plays softly for an extended period of time. it's a beautiful CD. I've listened to three of his CDs (Waiting, Awaken Love, and the Seattle Sessions) and have been touched by all of them. I'm sure his newer stuff is great too. here's his website: seanfeucht.com one of the lyrics that I connect with is, "I'm waiting here for you. I'm waiting here for you. won't you fill my cup? won't you fill my cup?" (you can find his album "Waiting" on Spotify). I can relate to being in a place of waiting for God to break through and enable me to sense His Presence. some people say you don't ask God to fill you. you just simply have to believe he's filled you already. and there's truth to that. but I think there's a reason Jesus said to "ask, seek, and knock" and I don't think just because you are full of the Holy Spirit that you are currently experiencing Him. so asking is part of the process. of course I get fed up with waiting. I'd rather be experiencing Him. but waiting is still a spiritual step in the process of encountering Him. so I'm content to be waiting for now. here's a picture of me from several years ago. I was part of a photo shoot for a friend's class project. she asked us to write a word on a piece of cardboard that represented us. I wrote the word "Waiting". although this was 2009 and I've gained weight since then, the reality of my experience is still the same. I'm still waiting for Jesus to breakthrough my heart, my emotions, and my spiritual atmosphere and invade my space with the fullness of His love and Presence.

although I am still waiting on God, I did have some highlights in the past several days. I was scanning the American Eagle Careers site and I noticed that a position became open for a "Station Agent" in Dallas/Fort Worth at Love Field airport. this is good because I applied a couple of months ago for a position in Corpus Christie and I was asked to go to an interview. I didn't go, because I knew without a car I wouldn't be able to hold that job, but it was a promising step. if I got an airline job, I would be able to get free flights for myself and my parents and I'd be able to visit my sister and my nephews in San Francico. so I'm optimistic about this DFW position. also, I gave what I think was a prophetic word for someone on Monday. I was spending time with my friend Madonna and we went to a Mexican restaurant. our waitress was named Ashley. she looked similar to a girl I knew in high school named Cherith Bryant. Cherith is a worship leader. I wondered if there was some kind of prophetic link between the two girls so I asked the waitress Ashley if she was a musical person or if she sang. she said that she played clarinet and that she is a music major. I told her I felt like I had a word of encouragement for her that God gave her that gift and that He loved her and he enjoyed the things she enjoyed. just a basic word of encouragement. she seemed touched and said, "well, you've made my day better." she said she is engaged to a guy and he has two kids from a previous relationship and I told her I thought she would be a good mother. she said she's used to kids from taking care of family growing up. so hopefully that word will stay with her. she said she recently moved in with the guy. I wondered what to do with that, but I decided to let the prophetic word speak for itself and not add anything corrective about her living situation. because prophecy is for exhortation and edification and encouragement. it's not usually for correction, although some prophets in the Old Testament used prophecy to correct people. I think you have to be really sure you've heard from God to bring a corrective word. speaking of corrective words, I had an interesting, albeit slightly unpleasant experience on Sunday at church. this wasn't necessarily a highlight. it was just something interesting to observe. I was having some difficulty during worship because of some pain that I was experiencing so I wasn't jumping up and down during worship. later after the service a woman I've met before but don't know very well came up to me and asked me, "you've struggled with depression right?" because I had mentioned something about it while at lunch with her and some people. and I said, "yes, but there's more to the story." and she went on to tell me she had a word for me and the word was that worship was not about me, but about God. and it's not a time for introspection. it's not a spectator sport. she said Worship is about praising Him. and she mentioned that she saw me with my arms crossed during worship and looking around at people and she basically said if I was going to be a spectator to stand in the back where people can't see me. she also said she was a nurse and that I might be diabetic soon because she saw some dark spots on my knuckles. she told me to look up the Diabetic diet, which is no white flour or sugar. I thanked her for her word and moved on. she was right that I wasn't fully engaged that morning, but I wondered if her word was off base. I told someone else about it, a person I respect and he said to just dust that word off because it sounds like she was judging by external appearances. I told this guy that I had been working for 6 months and he said, "the fact that you've been working six months and that you're here and you're standing - that's worship." so that was encouraging. I got a bad word but then a good word afterwards. I was thankful for that. the lady might have been picking up on some things correctly, about my health or my posture that morning, but it wasn't an encouraging word. it was more of a rebuke. so I decided to dust it off, like my friend said. so here I am on Tuesday afternoon. I am resting and waiting for work. I have taken care of some things this morning and I'm feeling pretty good about the future. I'm waiting, but I'm hopeful. :)